giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
