I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
