does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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