Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize