I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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