how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
