I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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