i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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