so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
