We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
