I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
