I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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