you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
