Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
