he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
