dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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