Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
