oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize