You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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