he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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