Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
