Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
