I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
