fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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