I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
