I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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