i already hear my dad disowning me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
