Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
