We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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