Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
