Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
