respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
