I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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