why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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