I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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