marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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