DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
