So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
