The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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