a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
