she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
