that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
