"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
