Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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