My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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