So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
