She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize