THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I looked at my own cervix.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
