I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize