i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
