I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
