I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want her autograph on my taint
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
