I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
