some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
