I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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