i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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