and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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