I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
