You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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