I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
