I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
