i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
