For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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