We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
