i need an iv and a liver transplant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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