My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize