you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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