I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
