I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
