woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
