Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
